Self Love - Focused In The Centre.

The Buds Of True Self Love Blossoming!

Being
true to oneself means trusting your inner guidance via intuition.  It has taken me years to follow inner guidance and truly trust myself.  Now that I have arrived at this position, it's still really scary.  I don't have a great supportive network of family and although I have friends that I value, I am mainly a loner and do like my own company.

Point of correction! 

When you grow up with abuse and caos as the daily ingredient, you learn not to trust.  I had children early and my last born a whole generation later so didn't have much time to nurture friendships through trusting.  Friends come and they go. I made time to nurture myself and I guess I did this by constantly choosing the path of self healing through counselling, most of my life! I thank God for this, I wasn't ashamed to talk and be open about my feelings, fears and inadequacies.  Although the remedying of childhood stuff has taken many years to settle, for goodness sake I was running round chasing my tail as a lone parent!

I have always had a rich and quite vivid relationship with my innerstanding of "God", but truthfully, I found this very hard to be consistent with; yet through all my troubles, I have always relied on & reached out to a Higher Force, just as one may reach out to a parental figure or sibling or close childhood friend; so the concept of personal relationship with "God" is not new to me.  I feel blessed for that as I have developed a spirituality which is not religous.

The most challenging part of my evolution has been (up to now), feeling at peace and ease with that part of my soul, that yearns for Afrikan centred spirituality.  Let me tell you I have travelled a very long and broad road with this and have finally arrived at a place where I'm beginning to feel myself entirely in all of this endeavour; and it's not without it's highs and lows.

I have visited Sages, Babalawos, Healers, Shamans and powerful women both in the West and in my Beloved ancestral home on the continent of Afrika.  I have felt ill at ease with some of these meetings in both places also.  I have learnt extremely valuable lessons too about my spirit and the guidance and have reached a destination where I'm still trekking forward, yet I am finding that I'm stepping up and reinventing my spiritual stance and practice.  No longer do I need to go outside of myself to look for authentication of my Spirit, my Soul.  I mean I no longer need to just go for readings with others to empower myself or get answers for questions that lie within that are answered with quiet reflection, journalling, meditation, walking in my local park or practicing yoga or listening to uplifting music.

For years I've given my power away to be manipulated by those no more "powerful" than myself!  All of this was based on the lack of anything for myself; self worth, self esteem, self comfort, and self TRUST.  No longer can I stay with this.  No matter where I go;  wherever my search takes me to continue an authentic Afrikan centred spiritual practice, I will stay with a loving sense of myself and pray to share that with all I can learn from.  The voices I heard from childhood, who know one else could hear have finally connected to my heart and are now calling on my heart to manifest.  Being pro Afrikan centred in my spiritual endeavours doesn't make me anti anything else because I'm done with the politriks of "lack".

I have arrived at a juncture wherein lies a vast void to be filled with a new sense of myself.  Still a bit confusing, or rather I should say, that there remain many questions that will be answered and revealed with the process of living daily life.  I possess something very powerful in my Soul that I have denied for too long because of "lack" and self denial.  Now I embrace all of the love inherent in all of the darkness of all that I have learnt about an Afrikan centred spirituality.  All the hocus pocus, negativity projected by the mainstream medias famously known as "Hollywood"stands no chance and is defeated no matter that its presence is an extremely power FULL one.  I have waited all my life to share what started for me over 40 years ago and there is no time like the present.

Ase...Yes O!