Long Distance Love Or Fear Of Intimacy?

For the past few weeks, I had been involved with a long distance relationship.  As with many relationships, it started off with me feeling giddy & in love!   However, not much time passed before I realised that it was more like infatuation.  I was definitely in love with the idea of being in love, but It was more about feeling connected.  In this situation , sadly I wasn't.  Not because I didn't want to be either.  I personally feel that long distance relationships are an excuse to opt out of intimacy, that's not to say that they can't work for some, just not myself.   I put it to my said loved one, that I felt there was a fear of intimacy and he disputed that by hitting back that it was me that was insecure.  I looked at that for a minute but rejected it.  If I was so insecure, why am I so wanting more than long distance love?
Anyway it became obvious to me, that the guy was more in love with the idea of being in love than actually connecting with it. Why?  We would text each other regularly, and I noticed that it seemed as if he wasn't reading mine.   It started to seem as if he felt that all he had to do was post "I love you.." or "I miss you...", for there to be some kind of connection...NOT!  I kept wondering if like he said I was looking for an excuse to opt out, but I wasn't, I think he was and I think he has been as I was not his first long distance relationship.  Anything wrong with this picture?  No if that's what one wants & yearns for, you know, love that you can put in a box and take it out to dust it down from time to time.  I aint looking for that type of love, long distance or not!
I have ended it, as there was not enough potential for it to be anything other than infatuation.  I mean I am not going to be relocating any time soon and I am not going to hold on to the I love you's etc, as frankly it didn't feel real.
What has my heart learnt from this situation?  That I can move on from here and let go of an even bigger heartbreak that is my broken marriage and find peace.  Goodbye to the dream that is long distance love.  Hello to the reality of potential intimacy.

At Last! At Last!

It's been a long time coming, yet nothing comes before its time.  I have been itching to explore any creative ideas i have; literary writing skill I may still possess, or anything that will allow me to express myself, stimulate my mind and get stuff published and expand my awareness of current affairs & moral issues. I would say that I interpret most experiences in my world from a quite a philosophical perspective and I have often been described as "spiritual".  I've had a passion for esoterics for as long as I remember.  It started with a sense of not being alone and that was huge for me as a child, as even as a twin I often felt isolated as well as from my peers,
I feel like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards  doing the rather stressful job of mothering for almost 31 years to the day, & how I'm still standing may very well be something that I use to reflect on at times when I'm writing;  but this is not the blog of middle aged mother either.  Far from it.
This blog is my space to learn & earn says my eternal teacher, my inner guide.
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Very ambitious and lacking a strong parental influence, I learnt most things the very hard way, so I give thanks for my resilience, sense of humour & mostly down to earth approach to survival. I definitely know I am a survivor and its one of the energies I've honed into a talent with a capital T! However, I'm working towards the breakthrough, the times of not just mere survival, but triumph. I feel it's in my midst now easily within reach. I have come to learn that we can use everything that resonates within the universe. We can build up and tear down; we can maintain or abstain.
Should I write some kind of objective for my blog?  No, just that I would like to appeal to diversity but reflect where it is I come from.  I want to test myself & be challenged, yet I am extremely opinionated & stubborn at the same time. I know a little but I have learnt a lot, have been a good critic as I've lived politically determined & socialised from within the margin.  I guess that I will need to work with patience whilst maintaining this blog as there is also the chance that it may fall flat on it's face (not quite).  If it does, I am willing to accept that as constructive & reinvent.
I have just finished talking to one of my few buddies on social network who advised me not to let the inner critic in,  just GO FOR IT!!!   So here I am, often described as the "diamond in the rough.."  "inspirational", "loud mouthed & crazy.."  "healer.."  "wounded healer...", "witch.."  "obeah woman.." "ritualist..."  "salt of the earth..." , "muse.."  (I like that one the best).  "Teacher..."  "big mouth.."  "agressive..."  too this or too that.
This is a journey to assist everything I ever tried to do as a LONE PARENT born to a HUGE culture & family, but as the proverbial "black sheep.." I was out on a limb!!!
Who the hell am I?  I'm gonna use this blogg to package & sell it as I'm also quite the entreupeneur...NOT a "Jack of all trades, master of none..."
Rhetorical Spirits...?  Hmmm...My door's open.  There is not ONE specific path, but many, many roads well travelled, let's get to stepping!

Peace & Love.

Welcome To My World..

Finally, I have arrived here in blog-cyber-space.. 

Watch this space and get ready for the journey of a lifetime, into my weird and wonderful world..! Just a threshold away.